_____________________

I’m a social spastic
      a loner
      a loser
      a mindless moron
unaware of what’s going on,

I’m crafted from concrete
stiff and rigid,
Conversation for me
is a Herculean feat,
For I’m unable to meet
the supersonic wit
elastic panache
and soft plastic precision
of that magically illogical world
of razor sharp exchanges
beyond my window,
Beyond the division,

I’m a desolate grey cloud
in a brilliant blue sky,
Not even a rain cloud
for at least their ostensibly threatening presence
brings new life,
All that I bring is a brightly coloured gift box
to deserving friends
who eagerly open it
only to find that it’s empty inside,

I want to be a comedian
but I’m the most uninspired man alive,
I think that the only way that I’d ever get a laugh
is if I chose a novel way to die,

My brightest ideas
are darker than death
compared to the dazzling displays
of humour that I forlornly
overhear others express,

I’m the perpetual pariah
      the eternal outsider
      the dead eyes
that lurk solemnly behind
the silent veil of enigma,
I’m the faceless spectre
in the corner
that never joins in,
The stale out of date bargain
that somebody hastily bought
and then threw in the bin,

I can half ignore my disabilities
when left alone
but when I’m confronted by the
omnipotent
omniscient
and omnipresent
splendours of the big verbal spenders
I begin my descent
to the depths of self loathing,
A gruesome one way journey
caged in a mirrored elevator
that plunges painfully
                    sluggishly
and relentlessly downwards,
Whilst in despair I wrench my eyes from their sockets
but only to find that I can still see
the mire of reflected misery
that emanates from me,

Don’t tell me that you love me
the way that I am
for such tender words are fruitless
when spoken to the damned,
They won’t help me to love myself
or enable me to relate,
They’ll just remind me of who I am -
Of the me that I hate,

Don’t bother with trying
to bridge my gap for me
for my universe will forever be
alienated and boring,

You’re free to go
I don’t want to slow you down,
You’re free to fly
leave me to drown.

[click to view introduction]