The latest video from @FocusedSpender has one key point in it that I will attempt to paraphrase:

I often spend money during moments of elation. I am very, very vulnerable to overspending when I am very, very happy.
@FocusedSpender

Here in the rasx() context, I had to go there. I had to go the Blues. This Blues leads to the question, ‘How would this outburst of self-described uncontrollable spending affect a serious, adult, love relationship?’

Since @FocusedSpender is clearing willing to make video after video about financial self-improvement my musings certainly does not apply to her. But I can imagine a situation where the elated spender is accusing her life partner of trying to make her unhappy “all of the time.” She would accuse her partner of trying to control her because she is out of control (at times, by her own admission).

Here are some of the ways such a relationship flaw would “work”:

  • Her partner is understandably charmed by the youthful looks of her overspending partner and silently financially compensates. This often ends when the fountain of youth (for both partners) runs dry.

  • Her partner learns to subliminally control her emotions through indirect actions based on sophisticated manipulation techniques. This often ends in flash of repressed rage that is inexplicable or the manipulated one growing up and realizing what is going on.

  • Her partner is straight up verbally abusive or physically violent. In a really-weird, masochistic situation straight out of an Alice Walker novel, she may actually depend on her partner to burn all of these abusive calories because of a twisted Christian view of the corrupted, animalistic self in need of a “firm hand.”

Notice that I have purposely omitted the solution @FocusedSpender shares in her video: her solution is a regimen of self control through behavior modification. This is because I have never really experienced this standing alone within a relationship. My women have always looked to socializing, third-parties for self-realization. The preference here is for something new. @FocusedSpender is inspiring—and, no, she is not based in Los Angeles.

Asking R/Kain Blaze about why it has taken him so long to get another Full on Brawl going is almost like asking why did it take so long to get an all-female Nigerian bobsleigh team: it is hard to get all of those ladies to show up for practice in Inglewood, CA.

We are pleased to announced the The Undefined has returned to documentary—a documentary contributing to the Black History of Los Angeles. There was a time in Los Angeles when a Black company like this:


CAAM Exhibits

…funded the curation and cultural-institution-building of professionals like William Pajaud. Before there was a state-backed CAAM there was Black-business-funded Pajaud—watch the trailer:



Pajaud: Art + Work is screening at the CineMark BHC 15 on Screen 8 tomorrow at 12:15 pm [full PDF guide from PAFF].

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UW Health Kickball Tournament

The Black Outdoors Los Angeles Group is what you are looking for when you, happy few, get sick of me writing shit like these posts (limited to 2017):

These posts are chock full of generalizations that do not appear to be reinforced with actual data/experience. When I keep whining over and over again about how isolated I am, there is the American, extremist temptation to turn my whining into a political cartoon where I am drawn living in a cave in an inner-city garbage dump with a bone through my oversized, caricatured nose. What may be devastating for the urban novice that is barely 30 years old is to discover that my definition of ‘isolation’ is her definition of every day “life” in the big city. I am whining for something more than what many (who implicitly consider themselves my superior) actually have.

And I am not writing here to “attack” this meetup.com group. I am here to share with you what it offered when I was an active member years ago.

When I first imagined “the Black Outdoors,” I saw a group of self-described “black” people who were first and foremost coming together to express their “love” for nature. The closest living thing to my vision is OutDoorAfro.com which apparently was founded around 2009. To make a long story longer, let it be known that OutDoorAfro has no Southern California group. This fact alone should make my shitty point(s).

And, speaking of points for the sake of brevity, here are a few highlights from my real-life experience with “the Black Outdoors”:

  • most of the Black Outdoors were young women who largely grouped together with other young women, high-school-lunch-table style
  • one of those young women I actually managed to speak to was, during that entire conversation, indistinguishable (to me) from a white girl
  • the one mature woman I met at a subsequent meeting was, of course, not from Los Angeles and was, in my opinion, not particularly interested in (my) Black subject matter
  • the white women who started to show up in increasing numbers were by far finding me approachable compared to the sisters which (to me) nullified the whole point of having a “Black Outdoors” group

The Black Outdoors did not really do outdoor things beyond what children on a class field trip would do (lots of co-ed, adult kick ball). By the time I lost interest, the group was gentrifying itself even more by having joint meet-ups with other (essentially white) meetup.com groups and continuing to not express an interest in nature by playing even more kick ball.

So I just wanted to point out one of the few, real-world examples of “How to Be over 40 and Single in Los Angeles” that any brother/sister is free to experiment with—the group is still going strong so knock yourself out.

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