In “It Took Drama For Me to Realize How Cable TV Distract Cats From Doing for Self,” Ed Dunn writes:
While I was extremely upset that the judge gave her the restraining order based on all those lies, I realized later after reading the order that I may be the one who came out in a much better position. The thing I lost in this case is a judge believing my wife lies were credible and validating her lies with a restraining order. But as a mature person, I realized I just got my freedom and independence and a clean new slate to start over. For the past 10 years as I tried to hustle, my ex-wife always got in the way with some garbage to try to pull me down. When I told you cats on this blog that I was dedicated to entrepreneurship in 2011, she pulled this bitter divorce move to try to disrupt me in the best way she can. She even said in court “I knew this would make him the maddest ever” revealing she been doing nothing but trying to tear me down instead of help build me up all these years.
This is an opportunity to express my sympathies for what I’m seeing in Ed Dunn’s situation. The children may not understand exactly what is going on but verily, verily they understand something. What’s very important to communicate is that children are supernaturally connected to their parents in particular and their ancestors in general. There is communication going on beyond words—beyond closed doors—it is their natural right to receive accurate information from family.
I’m sure that Ed Dunn will resonate with wanting to communicate to his children the concepts of authentic non-violent struggle against oppression. There are no people in the world that know oppression better than oppressed people. It would seem like common sense that oppressed people—especially people who are highly educated about their documented history of oppression—would hate to be mistaken for an oppressor, a liar, a dictator, a revisionist of history in order to control innocent children. “Common sense” is not always what it seems. The horrible events surrounding family law offer opportunities to set an example for how to behave in the face of oppression. It may take years but children blessed with the eyes to see will find the truth—and when they do we fathers need to a shining example of constructive consistency.
Just in case my words are too nebulous for the passion that whirls around this space, let’s try these fathers:
- Never “go to war” on the mother of your children. I don’t give a f’ about how much of a sophisticated adult you think you are—any urge to do this that’s strong enough for you to plan “revenge” means you are immature and insecure in yourself—and you are probably going to make your children pay for these insecurities. You see, brothers, there are army men and there are family men.
- Become the strong silent type. There is wisdom in saying as few words as possible to the mother of your children—since she is clearly “out of pocket.” Any desire that you have to speak to her at length about any subject other than about your children means you fail to understand that she is out of pocket—and you are slipping back into “revenge.”
- Your goal is to gain access to your children. That’s it. Let her have the house as long as your children are living in it. Let her have the bigger (safer) car as long as your children are going to school in it (and you have another car). The ability to abandon these material things sets an example for your children. The ability for you to endure humiliation for the sake of your children might never be appreciated but that’s what this manhood shit is all about…
- Do not get into “new relationships” too quickly after a serious separation. Most properly assimilated adults of this wonderful western world are essentially fascists, resembling jealous children from broken homes with a self-centered outlook forged like the mettle of sibling rivalry. They will not be impressed with your sacrifices for your children. Quite the contrary… Most small-time imperialists are only concerned about the sacrifices you can make for them and their children.
What’s foremost for me is my learning about two general categories of adulthood: there is the adulthood that is like the thoroughbred kicking at the starting gate eager to run with the other fully developed, well-trained horses; then there is the adulthood we all know very well: the “nation of wounded children seeking salvation”—adults who are fragile shells covering an incomplete childhood. These fragile adults would say, “nobody’s pefect.” But goddamn! “We” are not supposed to be so ridiculously imperfect either.
The impression I’m getting is that these adults will only recognize me as an adult worthy of respect and other fleshy attentions only when I participate in some thankless task related to their parenting. The earnest desire for “unconditional love” that definitely was very popular in latter part of the 20th century, often is a mask concealing an adult’s need for proxy parenting. What often makes you a “wonderful man” is the ability to care for other adults like children while superficially treating them like adults. This is a game that requires a Player—or just a co-dependent. That ain’t me.
I’ll straight Buddhist monk this mufukka…