Money and the Depths of the Soul
Consider yourself very fortunate to overhear someone at, say, Aunt Kizzy’s Back Porch talking to their companion about working on serious inner growth over a series of years. Is it not great when our buddy is actually explicit, accurate and articulate with their inner-self language? We are most likely to discover the depths of our fellow citizen’s humanity through the way our pal handles money. A Get Rich Slowly article like “How Can I Get My Wife to Talk About Money?” reminds me that lack of intimacy is often unexpected in traditional, life-long relationships. “How Can I Get My Wife to Talk About Money?,” sounds like a question that has a simple answer. But how about this question, ‘How can I get my wife to self-realize her relationship with money?’
When financial success is related to an occidental yogi phrase like “self realization,” now you know you are messing around with the foundations of another person. You are exploring the design of another person’s identity. I have learned the hard, hard mufukkin’ way that these examinations are unwelcome and threatening. This is because most “real” people are not ready for any kind of audit—even when it’s playful. In “Financial Success Comes from Within” Get Rich Slowly says:
According to studies by psychologists and researchers, people with an internal locus of control are more apt to plan for long-term goals, delay gratification, and accept more risk for the promise of more reward. These qualities should sound familiar to readers of this site because they are precisely the characteristics needed to “get rich slowly.”
So what this says is that when you want to talk about money management with another person you are talking about their ability to control themselves and form a healthy relationship with what the traditional Baptist Bible calls “long-suffering.” You see, the problem is that the word “suffering” is in there—and it’s right next to “long”… And, speaking of suffering, My Money Blog has an article called “Combining Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs & Personal Finance.” This article states:
While not all of these needs can be explicitly bought with money, it’s not too much of a stretch to see the relationship between this triangle and finances. We usually worry about paying for rent and food first before worrying about giving to charity or that long distance telephone bill.
This observation rings true for my experience at places like Aunt Kizzy’s Back Porch. Even though this restaurant is in the very affluent Marina Del Rey area, my assumption, based on too many anecdotes, is that most folks in the eatery are not planning for contributions to charity—unless “charity” refers to extended family. This buying out of Maslow’s Needs leads to the provocative article, “Is Money The Secret To A Happy Marriage?”
My answer to that supposedly innocent question is that money buys happiness only when you are the paid person that, like some autistic child, are totally enthralled with being able to pay your bills and buy anything you want—and essentially play like a Roman god with the lives of other people. This activity has fascinated the Bush family for generations so it should not be underestimated. But just in case you manage to break free from this entertainment you will have to be this whole other person that is not at all related to material gain. Lack of development of this whole other person can make one a dull dude indeed. Developing such a personality might take awhile (more long-suffering) but I encourage you rich kids to get busy so that you can add to the quality of life for all of us.
Another marriage-related question from Get Rich Slowly is “Joint or Separate Finances?” This opens up a botulism-tainted can of desiccated worms for me:
I don’t believe there’s one right answer to this question. The best choice is the one that works for you and your partner. This is something that you need to decide. Don’t let anyone—not your church, not your parents, not your friends, not some personal finance guru—tell you that there’s only one right way. Each relationship is different.
The question, ‘Joint or Separate Finances?,’ has had for me no middle-class answer. In one extreme, the woman was so cash rich that for me to even mention joint finances was an overture of attempted embezzlement. I was too young and idealistic to be insulted by this accusation of a crime I have not committed. In the other extreme, the lady was so cash poor that I found myself praising her for not having credit card debt and singing the virtues of literally having $0 (which really is an advantage). Her retaliatory praise for me raised me to the status of some kind of financial guru—this was a clear and present disagreement about the respective realities we were experiencing. Disagreements about money (and its associated administrative needs) can be a useful indicator about just how isolated you can be in the “real world” of subtle (and not-so-subtle) poverty.
It should be clear that an article like “Use a No-Spend Month to Become Mindful of Money” is pure fantasy based on my relationship history. Contemporary, urban, Black people usually have “no-spend” months alone—or, sadly, as the sole adult surrounded by children. It is truly an indication of Black liberation when you find us deliberately depriving ourselves for fun, inner growth and quiet reflection—without the hypnotic aid of a white-like religious organization.