Today’s Love: Technical Reasons Why Men Should Be Afraid of Her Commitments
Here is a broad, sweeping generalization that should not need debate: most women have more commitments than men. Men are blind to many things when it comes to women—and her commitments are no exception. Most of the women I have met are committed to their insecurities, their dysfunctional family, their rituals to manage their insecurities and a gut-bucket full of financial situations, featuring overwhelming debt.
Most males I have met have the same kind of commitments (but they are smaller in scale) with the exception of family commitments. Most males in my pathetic world (so far) are assumed to be incompetent/incapacitated/incarcerated so their family commitments are limited. The male commitment to insecurities, by the way, can dwarf those of women when males resort to physical violence to steal a sense of gravitas and relevance from others.
And, speaking of hormones, male recklessness (mixed with immature optimism) and hormonal drive can ‘encourage’ us guys to allow women into our lives with commitments that many us will eventually reject. Once we reject her commitments, we are thrown into the confusion of “men are afraid of commitment” or “men are afraid of her commitments.” As far as she is concerned (under a massive dose of American narcissism) there is no distinction between these confused two. It is therefore our mental-health exercise as ‘real’ men to make the distinction.
When we start this exercise, we become authentically aware of her commitments. And awareness often leads to being wary which is the slippery slope toward fear. My recommendation: do not be ashamed of this fear. I consistently failed to respect this fear because I consistently failed to respect women in terms of their commitments.
Like an idiot, I assumed that all adult people—especially women—were able to effectively communicate a list of their commitments. I failed as a “young man” (all the way into my early forties) that real people (including myself) are unable to list their commitments—and there will be no cool app that will help us realize exactly what we are committed to.
So, now I will try to remember a few interesting things on the Web that illustrate why we should be wary or outright afraid:
101 East—Australia’s Dowry Deaths. I had no idea that the families of the wives of many Indian women are obligated to give several gifts to the husband’s family. The husband, in this particular situation, killed his wife and then killed himself rather than deal with this commitment directly. It must me mentioned that all of the murder went down in Australia—not India. You might ask, What does this extreme example have to do with me? From my personal life, I now understand that sometimes when a brother is rebuffed by an Indian sister here in America she is not really being racist—she is trying to save his life!
How Home Ownership Keeps Blacks Poorer Than Whites. This article by Dorothy Brown, a professor of tax law at Emory University Law School, does not mention that black women are leading black men in home ownership. And what is also not mentioned is that this commitment can lead to a relationship where a functional Black man pours his financial resources into her commitment. When this situation does not lead to the desired effect from either party, the outcomes can be quite subtle but scary. Sometimes a couple stays together because the dude has no place else to go: all of his money is invested in property owned by a person that is not (behind closed doors) invested in him. I would be more impressed by a sister who rents a small apartment in a very posh neighborhood but owns properties similar to the sister from Affordable Real Estate Investments. What I am trying to say is that a commitment to one house is often not based on a business decision nor is it based on love for children.
101 East—Australia: Bringing Them Home. What happens when your superfine Indonesian wife “steals” your kid? This is a question a brother based in Australia has to answer featured in this 101 East report. I bring this negative news into the mix to remind brothers that dating internationally is not a perfect refuge from our domestic problems. There are many, hidden, family commitments that sleek brown girl in the cute outfit may have.
The American single mother’s burden—Inside Story Americas The American single mother is too easy a target for the expression of fear. I mention this here just to take the opportunity to admit that I was not afraid of single mothers at all as a young man.
The Stream—Family on your own terms. This report introduces the concept of co-parenting which is a millennial way of talking about joint custody. Good luck with that.
Emotional Recklessness isn’t the answer to the Racial Wealth Gap. “Attorney Antonio Moore uses a combination of data, and personal insight to explain how reckless emotions have become the new place to hide the consequence of extreme wealth inequality.” Now all you got to do, son, is take that commitment to recklessness and put it in a “love” relationship.