My Three Sexist Assumptions of the Apocalypse

The previous post in this journal about being ostracized leads me to list, in public, the three sexist assumptions that had a devastating impact on my life. Women consciously suffering under the yoke of oppression often assume that sexism only benefits males. The purpose of me writing this Blog post is to disagree with this assumption. Because any disagreement is unpleasant to “sweet” people, be warned about the “bitterness” in this Blog post. And now, for something completely different, my three sexist assumptions of the apocalypse:

The assumption that “all women” are in touch with their feelings and are articulate about them…

She loves dem cubs.This stupid assumption was inherited from my father’s generation. My sex life really got going well after the sexual revolution. This fact alone should make my father’s information in this area useless. One of the runner-up prizes women get from the sexual revolution is the right to be “equal” with a beer-belly, overweight, slovenly, inarticulate, chauvinist pig. This supposed “bitter” insult leads to the more tactful question: When a women says she wants to be equal to “a man” then what “man” are they trying to be equal to? Is a sister that looks like The Queen of Sheba trying to be equal to Gomer Pyle—right down to the sports-bar baseball cap?

My innocent guess was that women would seek parity with great men who fight for justice. I am fucking, dead serious about this. What is actually happening is that some women resemble small, inarticulate, materialistic (white) men who live in fear. When my hormones were running wild and the mastery of “dick control” was the least of my lofty tantric concerns, the optical illusion of a person that looks like a woman actually being one of these small men escaped me. It is now clear to me why some men can cultivate such a deep relationship with misogyny—these dudes are jealous of how these small women-men can switch back and forth between these two artificial, patriarchal roles. It’s just like how George Bush can one minute claim to be a democratically elected president—and the next cotton-picking minute, act like a whimsical bitch emperor.

Woman wearing baseball cap, photographer:  Jackson Smith Ed Dunn touches upon one aspect of this duplicity in “Yeah, Brothas are Real Intimidated by Fine, Black Women… Whatever…”—to me, here in the rasx() context, what Ed is getting at is that one minute some small woman with a big ass (clearly on display) can passively expect to be dominated by the greeting of a “real man” but then the next moment feel that she is being assaulted by another greeting of another “real man”—and then the next minute accuse yet another man of cowardice for not assaulting her. It is the “challenge” of a “real man” to guess or sniff when the time is right to pounce. Not a week goes by when I am certain that a woman is deliberately placing herself in my line sight so that I can take the risk and pounce on a total stranger. Based on the pre-Columbian, pre-Imperial reports I have read, this female expectation is simply not African in particular or indigenous in general. In fact, the whole concept of “cold calling” strange-but-good-looking women on the street, in first-class airline seats or in corporate elevators is a foreign, urban, modern, angst-ridden concept. What this means to me is that the woman is participating (mostly non-consciously) in a system of patriarchal dominance (in a fit of confused love-hate with patriarchy)—and this is why so many sexual rumors fly about Condi Rice sleeping in the pool house at the Bush estate.

An indignant woman determined to represent the “real world” will jump raw and say some shit like, “Well if you can’t hang little man then you can’t hang!” My mature reaction to this “attack” on my masculinity is to respectfully measure who actually can “hang” with this fine woman. The results of my measurements produce few dudes that I can sincerely respect—or, simply, no dudes at all. To me, most of the ‘lucky’ women in this “mindset” end up sounding like Alexyss K. Tylor.

The assumption that women are born with a social organizing principle…

ESRI User Conference Plenary SessionTo assume that women are innately able to organize and participate in social groups is one of the most profound insults I have ever perpetrated against my ancestors. I am dead serious about this. Here in the rasx() context, this assumption of mine is patently racist because in order for me to hold this assumption I have to ignore the learned social-scientific achievements of thousands of African societies for thousands of years. Only a racist can be so willingly ignorant. Africans of the Old Kingdom, succeeded monumentally to carefully and consciously design and refine what we would call—trapped in English—“matriarchal” societies, with layers upon layers of social-bonding redundancy. In fact, the success was so great that ignorant asses like me can just assume that women—even women born in the worst of American slavery—were just insect-like in their ability to organize socially.

Buy this book at Amazon.com!For you other Negro asses out there who just happen to be reading this, you should have no motherfucking problem recognizing that the Civil Rights Movement is founded upon the social organizing principles of women of African descent. Yes, you want to credit some Negro preacher man in a suit and you want to credit some Quakerly Jewish lawyer but nothing would have happened without organized Black women.

Wangari Maathai is the New Millennium, Nobel-Prize-Winning shining example of this ability for Black women to make it happen. My clearly evident “angry tone” here is not contrived out of white-liberal-style, Pollyanna condescension. The oppression of Black women makes my life a living hell because I am convinced that no organized, wisdom-based group of African women would treat a brother like me like shit—and until Black women get their collective heads on straight, shit it will be for me!

You can be “sweet,” but over here in my “bitter,” little “fantasy world” of Black power, my 20-to-30-something younger self should have been getting slick, direct-marketing postcards in my mailbox from various Black women groups petitioning to interview me for the sake of their daughters. I’m dead fucking serious about this—just inquire about how a young W.E.B. Dubois’ dating life was like and this Black history lesson won’t sound like science fiction to you! This is beyond that Jack and Jill, tea-dance, Liberian-missionary bullshit! I should have been contacted in an organized manner by groups of Black women representing other (younger) Black women since I graduated college. All it would have taken was just a little bit of Black-owned data mining to understand just how many obstacles my person had to overcome and any wise elder sister would know and immediately respect the family line that produced me. Note that it is not about me: it’s about the family that produced me—and there are at least hundreds of other Black families here in North America that deserve such basic African respect.

But there is just one little problem: too many women don’t give a fuck about other women—even the women in their own family—even their own daughters! Beginning with my mother and her mother, this was a most startling, heart-wrenching revelation to me so please excuse the profane English language… (assuming you can actually make English profane)…

The assumption that women are born with an internal organizing principle…

cooked from scratchThe African primacy sees that the human body is made out of organized systems. Any Bantu (man) with down-home sense can see how the bones of the skeleton are organized—and the priests would see the circulatory system, the respiratory system—maybe even the lymphatic system. It follows that there ‘should’ be a system of the unseen part of man (because all major African societies agree that there is an unseen part of man)—man, made male and female. The unseen system of anthropomorphic abstractions that make up what, say, white Egyptologists call “gods” work together in a family governed by an organizing principle. Since this abstract family of the unseen is designed to be instantiated and incarnated in actual people, it follows that actual people should be governed by a conscious organizing principle. Trapped in English, one might call this a “moral” code.

N'Bushe Wright Remember when your mother got indignant at the department store and demanded to speak to the manager? Well, my person makes this same request of adult people I am trying to care about—can I speak to your manager? Usually my answer has been something ranging from, “The manager is not available right now but if you’d like to make an appointment…” to, “You don’t have the right to speak to my manager.” Often these obscuration tactics reveal a ruse because the person fronting does not really have access to their management—which is a very “convoluted” (but articulate) way of saying too many people have no self control—deeper still: they have no model of self control. An African of the Old Kingdom School can literally draw you a picture of self control and let you see his understanding—from the root to the fruit, baby… And, of course, a smart-ass response would be, “A’ight then: take your ass back to this ‘Old Kingdom’ and go live there with them dead mufukkas…” It’s very hard to rebut such a smart-ass (but self-destructive) remark when the woman telling me this looks like a taller, thicker version of N’Bushe Wright… It’s the Queen of Sheba eating a toxic pastrami sandwich in a baseball cap, keeping it “real” again…

In the post-modern empire we “live” in today, a too-popular organizing principle is called “whatever”—whatever the fuck ‘they’ tell you tamed shrews is what’s “real” at the moment. You can hear this “whatever” principle invoked in the casual conversation of self-assumed “normal” people. For too many years I thought a smart woman was just hiding behind this “whatever” shit. I just could not agree that the option to be a slob just like any “regular” guy was available to an adult Black woman. I assumed that my role was to ‘break through’ this thin veneer and get to the “real woman” hiding behind this dorm-room mess. I thought she was just trying to “fit in” to survive the throes of patriarchy and, with me, she could ‘drop her guard’ and begin to instinctively make a home for her with my “protection.” Hah!

Number one: women don’t “instinctively” make a home for themselves. Home making takes formal training—home training. The esoteric meaning of “home training” really did not get across to me until it was too late for my children. Ask any woman, wearing the all-American baseball cap, what “home making” means and you are likely to get something related to slavishly serving others—instead of serving themselves. Never respect an adult person more than they respect themselves. This is why some bitches, male and female, actively prefer to be treated like bitches—because they know they ain’t shit. And they can easily spot a white-liberal Pollyanna fool (like I have been) when they decide you are treating them “too well” (treating a person “too well” is not always acting like someone’s slave—it is also assuming that you are relating to an equal that deserves to be just as responsible accountable as you are). And because I refuse to systematically and deliberately disrespect people—especially Black women—being ostracized and quintessentially alone represents healthy respect for my humanity. Anyway, this home-making-instinct shit goes back to the same profoundly racist insult I made earlier about the African social science of group dynamics.

Number two: most modern women—especially Black women—even Black women in the Black Panthers—rarely even fantasize that a Black man could protect them. In fact, they would rather use imperial purchasing power to buy a sense of protection and do “it” for themselves (—“whatever” it is)—and this is why so many sexual rumors fly about Condi Rice sleeping in the pool house at the Bush estate.

12 thoughts on “My Three Sexist Assumptions of the Apocalypse

  1. thorough! this is one of the best essays on the limits feminism, et al. and the wholeness and damn near infallibility of sankofa-ing “the african way” that i’ve encountered.

  2. Much appreciation, Brian! Some people tell me that I know “a lot” of women. But I can guarantee you that none of them will leave a comment here to respond directly to my concerns. This is the heart of the ostracism I wrote about earlier in this journal.

    But dig: I can call these sisters up and talk to them on the phone. We can meet and have dinner. This can go on for years—and we will never have a complete discussion of the topic posted here. This “real world” experience teaches me the difference between a person choosing not to care and person that cannot care even when they try…

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  4. “But I can guarantee you that none of them will leave a comment here to respond directly to my concerns. This is the heart of the ostracism I wrote about earlier in this journal.”

    Well, don’t be so quick to assume that NO ONE will come by and read your essay.

    I was finally able to slow down from a hectic week, and read through all of the comments left over at Rachel’s, and read through all the comments over at Brownfemipower. I saw your link, clicked on, and read what you have to say.

    Here is my response.

    I agree with you.

    “One of the runner-up prizes women get from the sexual revolution is the right to be “equal” with a beer-belly, overweight, slovenly, inarticulate, chauvinist pig. This supposed “bitter” insult leads to the more tactful question: When a women says she wants to be equal to “a man” then what “man” are they trying to be equal to? Is a sister that looks like The Queen of Sheba trying to be equal to Gomer Pyle—right down to the sports-bar baseball cap?”

    I pity the black woman who would lower herself to such a degrading level.

    There is not a man on this Earth that I wish to pattern myself after. Until I find, to my knowledge, a man who has the utmost, highest, strict standards of morality/philosophy that I have, I will not lower myself to such low standards. My parents did not raise me to have such low regard for myself, and it galls me that so many women, especially black women, think they have to lower their standards and behaviour to the level of the worst dregs of male beings, to get attention from the “boys”. Until the “boys” decide to as a collective group, grow up and be “men”, no woman in her right mind should stoop to imitating boorish, filthy behaviour.

    “What is actually happening is that some women resemble small, inarticulate, materialistic (white) men who live in fear.”

    God help me if I ever start to act/live my life as a white man. (Shudder.) My black female ancestors would raise up out of their graves and slap the taste out of my mouth.

    “For you other Negro asses out there who just happen to be reading this, you should have no motherfucking problem recognizing that the Civil Right Movement is founded upon the social organizing principles of women of African descent. Yes, you want to credit some Negro preacher man in a suit and you want to credit some Quakerly Jewish lawyer but nothing would have happened without organized Black women.”

    Black men. And white men.

    They did it all where the Civil Rights movement was concerned.

    My ass.

    Black women carried on their backs, all those black men “leaders” of the Civil Rights Movement, even Dr. King:

    “E. D. Nixon pulled together a number of community leaders, including prominent ministers like Ralph Abernathy, H. H. Hubbard….and a twenty-six-year-old Ph. D. who had recently come to Montgomery from Atlanta as a pastor of the Dexter Avenue baptist Church….Martin Luther King, Jr. The ministers agreed to support a boycott—-anonymously. Their idea was to pass around the leaflets but not to let the white authorities know of their active participation.

    “Nixon was furious at the suggestion, and accused them of acting like “little boys” (little cowards is what I would have told them). “What the hell you talkin’ about?” he demanded. “How you gonna have a mass meeting, gonna boycott a city bus line without the white folks knowing it?” Nixon was merciless. He told them: “You guys have went around here and lived off these poor washerwomen (Black women) all your lives and ain’t never done nothing for ‘em. And now you got a chance to do something for ‘em, you talkin’ about you don’t want the white folks to know it.” He then threatened to tell the community (the grassroots level of which was made up of BLACK WOMEN) that the boycott would be called off because the ministers were too “scared”.

    “Faced with a choice of confronting either the wrath of the white racists OR those of black women, they choose the safer course. (Sic: wise decision.) The Montgomery Improvement Association (MIA) was formed, and the young pastor from Atlanta was nominated president. That seemed to be Nixon’s idea. He had been impressed by a speech of King’s and perhaps saw some advantage in having a relative outsider lead the boycott.

    “But Martin Luther King, Jr. was not at all sure he wanted the responsibility. Someone suggested in the meeting perhaps he as “scared”.

    “King accepted the post.” (1)

    [Howell Raines, “My Soul Is Rested: Movement Days in the Deep South Remembered”, New York: G. P.Putnam’s Sons, 1977), 43]

    Yep, black men did it all.

    Never mind the many black women who fought and put their lives on the line only to be pushed to the margins as non-entities in the CRM. Women such as the following, the true civil rights pioneers and workers:

    Ella Baker
    Fannie Lou Hamer
    Daisy Bates
    Jo Ann Robinson
    Septima Poinsette Clark

    And all the many unknown, unsung, unheralded BLACK WOMEN who gave their lives, prepared food-sheltered-protected civil rights workers they put up in their homes, women who gave all their energy and work to make the dreams of their enslaved ancestors come to fruition.

    Black men and the CRM.

    Sheesh.

    “Number one: women don’t “instinctively” make a home for themselves. Home making takes formal training—home training.”

    Agreed. One must learn how to be a responsible human being, and that comes form training and preparing yourself to be a part of the world, your community—and your home.

    “Ask any woman, wearing the all-American baseball cap, what “home making” means and you are likely to get something related to slavishly serving others—instead of serving themselves.”

    Yes.

    You “serve” yourself by learning how to DO for yourself:

    -how to paint your home
    -how to do simple around the house repairs
    -and especially, how to cook. Why buy take-out every day if you know how to cook? By knowing how to cook you take care of yourself, and you can learn proper nutrition in the process. It is not servile to know how to cook. Knowing how to cook BEFORE you get married, knowing how to cook PERIOD, shows that you have enough gumption to be an adult.

    “Never respect an adult person more than they respect themselves.”

    Always respect those who respect YOU.

    “But there is just one little problem: too many women don’t give a fuck about other women—even the women in their own family—even their own daughters! Beginning with my mother and her mother, this was a most startling, heart-wrenching revelation to me so please excuse the profane English language… (assuming you can actually make English profane)…”

    True. So many women want to be like men (and why in the name of God they would want to, is beyond me) by seeing how many women THEY can beat down, beat out, and beat up on, just to please a man.

    “Number two: most modern women—especially Black women—even Black women in the Black Panthers—rarely even fantasize that a Black man could protect them. In fact, they would rather use imperial purchasing power to buy a sense of protection and do “it” for themselves (—“whatever” it is)—and this is why so many sexual rumors fly about Condi Rice sleeping in the pool house at the Bush estate.”

    I am not fool enough to think that ANY man will protect me, if at all. I know that protection rests in MY hands. (Besides, that is why Smith and Wesson, Colt, Remington, etc. are still in business.) If anything, those who should have my back, and should “protect” me are capable of being the biggest destroyers of my body and my life.

    And as for Condi.

    Please.

    The people who rag on her have not made it as far as she has.

    Let them work their way to Madame Secretary’s position, then they can talk the talk, and walk the walk.

    On the subject of feminism:

    True “feminism” speaks for EVERYONE—women, children—and men.

    This my first visit to your blog. Interesting post. I shall try to come by more often.

    (Incidentally, Rachel did not send me your way. I came by of my own accord. But, then that’s just me; the “strong, uppity, Queen of Sheba, fine black woman that I am—[Smile].)

  5. “…don’t be so quick to assume that NO ONE will come by and read your essay.”

    Ann, this moment is proof that a guy can ENJOY being wrong.

    My Soul Is Rested: Movement Days in the Deep South Remembered will add to my education. It pleases me exceedingly to have your assistance.

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